Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
