girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
