She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
