Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
