she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
