If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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