nut hugger
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize