My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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