I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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