right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
