Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
