I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
