I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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