drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
