I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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