um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
