Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I supernannyed him into submission
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
