oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
