I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
