god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize