put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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