Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
