I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
