He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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