Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
