how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
