you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
