I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
