you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize