You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
