I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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