My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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