just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hippo gnu deer
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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