smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i came on her dog
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
