I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
is wine microwaveable?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
