Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
