can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
