wat bout pragnant strippers??
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
