i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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