this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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