I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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