got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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