that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
