WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
