my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
