1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
