dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
