he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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