It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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