my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
never play flip cup with pint glasses
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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