Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
