i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
