I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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