Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I would ride that face into the sunset
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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