guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You have to summon your inner elephant
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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