There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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