i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
