Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I love having hate sex.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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