My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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