I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
