Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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