How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
