No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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