I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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